Have you ever had a child bombard you with a series of unreasonable requests? Or, if you don't have kids, have you seen this happen for others?
"Can I have a cupcake before dinner???”
“Can I have a sleepover even though it’s a school night?”
“Can we watch TWO movies tonight instead of just one?”
“Can I have more ice cream?”
Did you know that when your child keeps making ridiculous or repetitive requests it’s a solid sign that they are trying to get help with an emotion?
Yep. An emotion.
It’s not as if they plan it out. It’s entirely subconscious, but they are looking for something to bump up against.
In these cases, when we say “No”, they have an opportunity to feel anger or sadness, to cry or yell. They already have the feelings, and those feelings are so uncomfortable that they are driven to find a place to let them out.
When we hold a firm boundary, we give them something to work against, to thrash against, and a reason to pour out some of their emotion.
When we shame them for asking, the emotion stays and simmers, building in strength. When we put them off by being vague or postponing the answer, we also stall the possibility for emotional release.
Sometimes, kindly and firmly saying “No”, and being a safe place for all the emotion that ensues is the most loving and compassionate act. Sometimes saying “No” helps meet a child’s need for emotional release.
So here's wishing you empowerment in your "No" and the strength and compassion it takes to help process the tough feelings! 💛
If you're looking for other ways to support kids in their feelings, you may want to check out our matching game! It's an easy way to help children explore and express their emotions.
Much love,
Natalie and Nathan
