Did you know that you're not "normal"?
No one is.
There is no normal when it comes to, anything, but certainly not personality, brain development, trauma response, or even reactions to everyday occurrences.
Like everyone, your brain started with some basic "factory settings", and then was customized according to aaaallllllllllllll your personal experience. Your history has been unique. No one else has your exact genetics, your particular caregivers, your little and big triumphs, and your shallow scrapes and deeper wounds.
Brains are incredibly smart that way. They team up with all of your body parts and adjust and alter every single mechanism in order to make sure that you make it. Literally every system of nerves, every muscle, and every neuron is carefully managed to help you adapt to the circumstances of your most common early environments.
There is no "normal" there is only "just right for these conditions".
Given that you are absolutely unique, your route to feeling better is going to be pretty unique, too. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to mental health, emotional self-care, or even nervous system regulation. You will be the expert on what's right for you.
So, if you're willing, let's try this:
1. Close your eyes or at least soften your gaze, and tune into your personal, unique experience.
Take a quick peek
View it from across the street
Or through a tiny peep hole
What's happening in you?
What sensations are safe to feel right now?
What emotions are safe to feel right now?
Do you like noticing this?
Take a break and look at something you love for a second if that seems helpful.
2. What does your body need right now?
A cozier seat, outfit, position?
Some warmth? Some cooling down?
Water?
Snack?
To move?
Some gentle touch?
Slow exhales? Slow inhales?
Rest?
(Whatever it is, you know best. Take your time... Go ahead and tend to your body the way that's right for you.)
3. Are you willing to check in with your feelings? What are they?
(Go slow here. Really look, and identify the names of your emotions.)
4. What do your feelings need?
a cry?
a gentle hug?
a scream into a pillow?
movement?
companionship?
to be heard?
understanding?
touch?
expression?
(Whatever it is, you know best. Take your time. Tend to your feelings in the way that's right for you.)
Did you like what you came up with for yourself? It's important to pay attention to what works for you because...
When we repeat the tools that serve our nervous system best... again and again over time... something amazing happens...
Can you guess what it is?
Our brain gets an update.
Instead of carrying on with the customized setup that was perfect for surviving our origins, our brain re-customizes to fit our current circumstances, our current skillset, and our current values and goals.
So here's to you and your amazing, special, unique brain. There's no one like you. And we think that's pretty cool...
(For the fellow brain-geeks among us, at the Center we call this concept neurodiversity or "neuro-idiosyncrasy" and the data is pretty clear that all brains are neuroidiosyncratic.)
Keep finding your just right way!
Upcoming self-care opportunities for you and your unique nervous system:
The Grief Well
Does your grief need some ritual and community?
Live Bereavement Ceremony
February 12, 2025
5:30pm Pacific
The "Feel Better Already"
Strategy Session
Do you want to team up on your nervous system support?
Get help discovering how your system works and what it needs.
Schedule a phone appointment at your convenience.